Perspective

Perspective is a gift. I love to say that. But I lose it often and forget to unpack it. When the days troubles are overwhelming me, when the Lord’s call seems easy yet unclear, when I’m selfish and forget that none of this is about me..

I like to surround myself with perspective to remind me to often see life through the Lord’s lense. Every now again I get lazy. And lazy is the devil’s playground.

Anxiety and stress over life’s issues and where God is leading us to has consumed me lately. My heart races, my hands shake and my brain flutters. I try and tell myself that I can’t add a single thing to my life by worrying. Still worrying sometimes seems easier than waiting and trusting. I’ve allowed myself to believe some of the lies of the enemy and just like that, the things I cannot control have swallowed me.

Be anxious for nothing. God gave you everything you need to live the life he has called you to. Trust that he is good and will deliver what is needed when the time is right. Patience, rest, surrender, joy.

It is not always eay to take a step back. I’ve been trying. What I often do is try to make sense of my life and the journey we are on but that seems like so much work right now! So here I am like a child playing truth or dare with my eyes closed and hands out, heart racing and all, and the Lord sets something so big in my hands and says dare. I dare you to trust me with fostercare. I dare you to allow me to make my glory seen through a mundane but intricate task.

I am reminded that God will bring what is true in front of us. I am reminded that he works through the becoming of who I am. I don’t have enough patience, love, kind words, or empathy…what I do have is a broken past and the ability to relate and he’s working through that!

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Blooming

Every mother has had a time where she doubts herself. Am I good enough? Was I gentle enough? Did I hug them enough? Am I the cause for this habit?

Even after the kids are gone I have heard some mothers recount the time their children were at home and wonder if they could have done anything different to produce another outcome. As a homeschooling mom that doubt doesn’t go away no matter how good I’m doing and how much my children are growing and learning. It’s a thorn that keeps me humble. In my short journey I’ve learned a couple of things and I hope they can provide encouragement for your journey.

In our homeschool journey the Lord had undoubtedly humbled me. The things I thought were important often take a back seat to new priorities. When chatting with others I am often the one who will confess that I can only do a few things well-not everything. (This is coming from a woman who wants to do it all so that’s huge.) I can’t tell you how many times I’ve dumbed down my need to clean, have beautiful things (those breakable and not child proof beautiful things. There is still a lot of beauty here.) or gotten rid of responsibilities or commitments. Still no matter how much I ache to see my home or life always in “user mode” I am satisfied in knowing that I am blooming right where I am. Learning to be more loving, more tender, more gracious, more understanding. Growing in more character and more faith. The more I think I can’t the Lord always proves to me that that is true and I release more of my reins and allow him to do the pulling. That is hard to do. I cry a lot. Children have a way of pulling your heart to linger. My desire is to be present and available and that is very hard to do in a world that is always pulling for my time and attention.

So what’s my point? Because if you are a mom reading this, than this is not a new revelation.

Bloom where you are. Whether it’s a season, a transition, a new opportinity. Choose the most important thing that God has set before you (because there are many things equally as important) and linger in them. Do that thing well. If you find yourself in a season of an off routine, embrace it for the moment that it’s worth. If you find yourself in a season of special needs bloom there.

Motherhood is all about the beauty of becoming-the mom and woman God has planned for you to be. Through these hard seasons and rough patches he is slowly shaping you to the person he envisioned you to be. You are his workmanship. And he’s working.

Children don’t keep. And it won’t be long until they are leaving your nest and all is quiet. Hug them, teach them, encourage them and leave the rest until the season is passed. Don’t compare yourself. Be proud of digging your soles in the journey and lingering a while. Your children will thank you. And God will be pleased….even though you are tired, worn and weary. Even though you spend your time giving to everyone else. Lean in, kneel down and be gracious to yourself. Take it easy where you can and redeem the days often.

God wants to find your heels dug deep in the journey and he wants you to release your control. Your desire to micromanage everything. You’re instinct to fix.

Sweet mom- if you are reading this and you are dead tired hang on and let God’s grace be your pause. Trust God with the story he is telling through your life and embrace what he is giving. Though it be messy, hard, bigger than you. Grow.

 

 

 

 

Simple.

This word has so many leavening agents to it. Often what comes to mind as I think of it is dumbed down, uncomplicated, minimal, effortless. Life as a mother of 3 has many variations of simple. It could easily mean peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch or drawing on the floor while mom is reading the bible during a hot summer. But here in the midst of life I am harried and shaken. Maybe because we are in the middle of moving, preparing for a baby, home-school and oh tearing wallpaper down, painting and cleaning. My husband and I got up this morning in a humble search for simple. The project of preparing our new home for paint has entangled our last few Sundays. Instead of going to church we have needed to “get up and get moving” in order to meet our deadline of moving in. But somehow we are longing for fellowship with 3 weekends going after this project. My husband does a devotion and we spend time just discussing life; 18 month old and 9, not that they have many ideas about what this is..  And while my husband and oldest child are priming walls I quickly get my young daughter down for a nap…I can’t help but hear simple. I am in dire need of simplicity. It’s why I’ve chosen to keep the telephone on the wall and the old yellow metal rotating pencil sharpener at our new place. Because it will remind me to be slow, to live simple and give my best daily.

Simple can get easily lost in busy and before long busy becomes comparison. I look at the amish and mennonite women in my community and wonder often how they get it all done. Most of them will say they don’t or something  else lacks. Simple just doesn’t come around unless you seek it.

Morning Ramblings

I have contemplated how to start this blog for some time and whether the heart behind starting it was truly right. I recon there is no real place to start but to just start.

It’s quiet in my house. It is the day after “our” Christmas and life is back to normal. Well, as normal as it could get. My tea is cold and so is my oatmeal. The Laundry from yesterday still needs to be folded and I have two children down with a fever-Newborn and oldest. I imagine that I have no idea what the day has in store but I am hopeful. My husband read to me this morning a verse from James. If you need wisdom ask our generous God…

But dont’ waver, for if you do, you will be like a man being tossed by the waves of the sea to and fro. Ask in faith that you should receive what it is that you are asking. My list is long. In a perfect world I am the sweetest mom-always tender and in tune with what my family needs. Anymore my soul ache’s to be exactly what my family needs. They need Jesus more than me and me to live selflessly. In a perfect world my husband is not so tired, homeschool days don’t seem very long and tending to the needs of four children isn’t THAT hard.

The Lord is teaching me about heart issues. Not just that I am selfish but also about my lack of compassion on others. It makes me feel good to dot at what I do here in my home. And my sin nature tells me that I’m doing better than the rest of us. Truth is I’m not and I still struggle even on the good days. I don’t want to be like a wave tossed to and fro. I want to strive until the end of the day regardless of how many bombs I have to dissemble before I get to the end. I want to be solid-stand firm and see the salvation of the Lord. See my own mess and live understandably with others. I want to be consistent when I’m dead tired. And I don’t want to get bored with doing the everyday-or my morning devotion for that matter.

From conversations with other moms I know that this struggle is consistent throughout a bunch of homes. Sometimes I feel like I’m wandering without any direction and other times I feel like I got it dead on.

Life is hard and God is good. God is good though life is hard and I have found that every bone of my existent has to believe and know that and find itself embedded in that.